Kirby's rumour buffet!

Dataminers have uncovered some potential upcoming DLC for the latest Fire Emblem game: a fourth house. Dataminers say that this fourth house is called the Fun House, with young noble Pat Sharpe diverging down The Fun Kart Grand Prix route.

I wish I could be a fly on the wall to see your expression reading about Fire Emblem.

It was exactly like this:

I'd be disappointed if Jay's face didn't look like that at least 60% of the time.

@The Cappuccino Kid wrote:

It was exactly like this:

That's unfortunate - I wouldn't wish that mug on anybody.

A sequel to ARMS is in development, simply called ARSE.

The game involves a whole new way to use the Joycon controller. The tagline is reportedly "Stick it up where the sun don't shine and lay the smack down". Interestingly enough, Miyamoto was on record saying this is the perfect game for HD Rumble.

I hear that they're ignoring requests to put an ARMS character like Spring Man into Smash's extended DLC and will instead move straight onto the main character of ARSE. Their fighting style is described as 'Martial Arse'.

Sounds like you could play as Des O'Connor and it'd still be better than the Switch version.

Following some confusion around the number of 's'es in the title, Sports Story will now feature sports such as polo, fox-hunting, and shooting the poor.

Jay Moyles sets off the fire alarms over at ninja theory for the second time this week in a bid to delay the release of hellblade 2.

@Muss wrote:

Jay Moyles sets off the fire alarms over at ninja theory for the second time this week in a bid to delay the release of hellblade 2.

My next plan is to replace all their Xbox Series Xs with fridges.

Next week's major update for Super Smash Bros. Ultimate will introduce a new downloadable character, a handful of fighter and item adjustments, some minor gameplay tweaks, and Fatalities from Mortal Kombat 11.

I call shenanigans. My sources tell me the update will introduce team up attack bonuses, xenologues, swimsuit costumes for everyone, and a Tea Time minigame.

@The Cappuccino Kid wrote:

Next week's major update for Super Smash Bros. Ultimate will introduce a new downloadable character, a handful of fighter and item adjustments, some minor gameplay tweaks, and Fatalities from Mortal Kombat 11.

Kirby's Fatality...

@Balladeer wrote:

I call shenanigans.  My sources tell me the update will introduce team up attack bonuses, xenologues, swimsuit costumes for everyone, and a Tea Time minigame.

Tea Time with Falcon will be a delight.

Except instead of tea, you drink punch.

The other three Platinum4 games have been revealed to me by my networks at Polygon's western Nepali branch:

Platinum4:

 

There was going to be a Nintendo Direct this week, but it got cancelled because, in the words of CEO Shuntaro Furakawa, 'You're a bunch of whining cunts and you don't deserve nice things.'

His words, not mine. Hence the swear.

Sony Playstation 5 contains dedicated Honk button.

Very good.

Data miners ruin everything of course, including the next software update to Animal Crossing. It's going to be nice to see Copper and Booker back in for it though. In the next couple of months they're going to patrol the island, and should you be about the town, they'll fine you UNLESS YOU'RE FUCKING EXERCISING THERE MY SON

Tom Nook has declared that all beaches will remain closed, except on copies of Animal Crossing sold in Florida where they are fucking morons.

This is fake news. Animal Crossing was developed in Japan, where nobody has the power to enforce anything. Isabelle will politely advice you to stay indoors during her morning announcement, and Timmy and Tommy will put up a little plastic protective sheet over the checkout counter. Otherwise, fuck all's changing on your rural island . . .

After getting input from David Cage for Paper Mario: The Origami King, Nintendo have already given the go ahead for the next game in the series which will be headed up by Cage himself. Ellen Page has already been cast to play Princess Peach.