Corrupt a Wish Foundation

Granted but you die of obesity at age 29.

I wish I could absorb information from a book just by touching it.

Granted, but you're trapped for eternity in a primary school.

I wish I could think of one to put, by I'm drawing a blank.

Granted, except the next person suggests something that isn't very good.

I wish I was a bit taller, I wish I was a baller.

You gain an extra inch or two (vertically you sick people), but are doomed to spend the rest of your days rolling a large transparent ball around courses overhanging a bottomless pit, chasing someone named "Doctor Bad-Boon".

I wish I was the hero of a (good) videogame.

Granted, but it's one of those games where you die and respawn every second and a half and therefore exist in eternal pain and damnation! And there's no princess to make out with at the end either!

I wish for the ability to stop time (so I could have a lie in ever day).

Granted, but every time you use it you lop off a month of your life.

I wish I could turn back the hands of time.

You buy a clock specifically for the purpose. You take it home, put it on a shelf, and wind the hands back an hour. Then you stand back and nod, satisfied, with your handiwork.

And think, "Is that it?"

Suddenly it all comes crushing down on you. The futility of existence, the atrocious behaviour of humanity, the lie that is religion... and the fact that, when you had a wish, you wasted it on turning back the hands of a clock.

The minutes drag into hours, the hours into days. The ticking of the reversed clock seems to ring through your subconscious, counting down the moments to your death. You wandering the streets with that awful "tick, tick, tick" echoing in you brain. Everything seems grey and drained. The bright colours are garish and false. Every laugh, every joke, every smile, grates. It's all a lie.

Tick, tick, tick.

But the one thing you can still do is cheat fate. You won't let that clock rule your life and death! You can choose your own passing!

They find your mangled corpse underneath a train the next day. No one attends your funeral: all your old friends, who you alienated after your realisation, just remember you as "that weird guy with the clock an hour slow".

Tick, tick, tick.

I wish that Starburst were still called Opal Fruits!

Granted but it's called Fruits Opal!
I wish I was a better singer than I was. (I am pretty good though).

Granted! But seconds later, you're struck down with an incurable case of laryngitis.

I wish I had a black labrador.

Granted but its neither black nor a labrador. Its just a rock.

I wish I had a transparent morph suit.

Balladeer wrote:

You buy a clock specifically for the purpose. You take it home, put it on a shelf, and wind the hands back an hour. Then you stand back and nod, satisfied, with your handiwork.

And think, "Is that it?"

Suddenly it all comes crushing down on you. The futility of existence, the atrocious behaviour of humanity, the lie that is religion... and the fact that, when you had a wish, you wasted it on turning back the hands of a clock.

The minutes drag into hours, the hours into days. The ticking of the reversed clock seems to ring through your subconscious, counting down the moments to your death. You wandering the streets with that awful "tick, tick, tick" echoing in you brain. Everything seems grey and drained. The bright colours are garish and false. Every laugh, every joke, every smile, grates. It's all a lie.

Tick, tick, tick.

But the one thing you can still do is cheat fate. You won't let that clock rule your life and death! You can choose your own passing!

They find your mangled corpse underneath a train the next day. No one attends your funeral: all your old friends, who you alienated after your realisation, just remember you as "that weird guy with the clock an hour slow".

Tick, tick, tick.

This had me both properly laughing out loud and yearning for a forum fiction thread.
Bravo.

Granted, but you can never take it off. For the rest of your life, you're doomed to being alone as no-one can see you, just an odd shimmering haze. Also, you're ridiculously sweaty for the rest of your days.

I wish that I lived in a mansion.

Granted! Though it turns out to be Luigi's Mansion, and there isn't a Poltergust to be seen.

I wish I had a time travelling watch.

Granted, but due to parsing the watch itself is a time-traveller and buggers off to the past without a moment's notice. You are late for everything because of this.

I wish that everyone could just get along.

Granted, everyone gets a long This post is only available between the hours of 11PM and 3 AM

I wish for three more wishes.

Granted! Kim Jong Un, Robert Mugabe and your worst enemy from school all get one wish each.

I wish for an electric violin.



Mmmm...

Granted, but just at that moment, the Martians invade and cut off all our electricity. Not to mention our limbs.

I wish my Wii U played GameCube games.

So you meet a man named "Honest Bob" down a back alley. Honest Bob removes his cheap cigar and spits on the pavement. Gamecube chipping? Sure 'e can do Gamecube chipping for ya, guv'nor! He takes the Wii U off your hands and turns around. A few minutes, some clanking noises and £100 later, you take your Wii U home.

Sure enough, it plays GC games! But then you realise it doesn't have a memory slot, or anywhere for the controllers to plug in; and that night, Honest Bob breaks into your house and steals your organs.



I wish for a nice steak and chips. (It's hard to think up imaginative wishes!)

Granted, but the steak is uncookable and the chips taste disgusting.
I wish people knew me more on GNamer.

Granted but the site is shut down before you get the chance to arrange a barbecue and you turn into a fossil.
I wish I could make coherent sentences.

Granted, but wish can even do anything just for as to do like!?

Sadly, wish yours coherence nobody else world oh no sad.

I wish that I had no responsibilities.

Granted, but you grow to not care for yourself.
I wish I could see my cousing brother from the army.

Granted, but he comes back and couses you! Then keeps on cousing all the way to the army.

I wish I were a rich man (duddaludda luddludda luddaludda loo)

:farao: Granted, but you're too "rich" to care for yourself and you spend thousands of dollars on pointless stuff that you obviously don't need, and you're now homeless.

I wish I had a pepperoni pizza.