Snacks! Reviews/'reviews' welcome

Jelly Bunnies

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Easter! Traditionally a time when jelly-based sweet manufacturers look at chocolate-based sweet manufacturers with considerable jealousy. Bassetts R&D team put their thinking caps on and had a lightbulb moment: with a slight change to the mould - and literally nothing else at all - they could hang on to the coattails of the Easter gravy train! Metaphors mixed and mischief managed.

Pros:

• Same classic taste as ever
  
• Moderately festive
  

Cons:

• Jelly Bunnies are literally Jelly Babies with big ears - at least make 'em lie down or something
  
• Most own-brand jelly babies taste better than Bassetts
  

Mmmm rating: 7/10

Yay, Easter snacks time! Let's get this show on the road:



Pros:

• Mini eggs;
  
• Cadbury's chocolate;
  
• Cakey stuff.

Cons:

• Only available around Easter;
  
• About as good for you as taking a hypodermic full of oil, plunging it into a major artery, and pressing down. Probably.

95%
mmmm rating:

Nest Cakes are in the highest tier of Easter snacking.

Balla Stixx

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Jo put these in the trolley without me seeing the name, I swear. They're like those liquorice sweets that are cylinders with a sort of icing thing in the middle, except the coating is a strawberry jelly-ish thing instead.

Pros:

• Extremely sweet
  
• There's German on the packaging, so, educational
  

Cons:

• So sweet you can't have more than two at a time
  
• Not many to a pack
  

Mmmm rating: 4/10

Cadbury's Medley (Raspberry Edition)

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Is it me or is Cadbury's (Cadbury's's?) R&D department going wild with invention? The Marvellous Creations bars are followed by this Medley (alongside the Biscuit & Fudge edition, which, no) block... long may it continue, Team Cadbury!

Pros:

• It's got fruit in it, so, healthy
  
• Exceptional taste
  

Cons:

• Breaks in a strange way
  
• Ingredients fall off it with worrying regularity
  

Mmmm rating: 9/10

Yoghurt Peanuts



I saw these yesterday in iceland for a pound when picking up some food for the house.


Pros:

Great texture and taste to them.
Cheap and bag isn't too big.
Too easy to eat a lot of them.


Cons:

Quite a bit of sugar in them so you shouldn't.
Choking hazard for small kids.
May contain nuts.

Mmmm rating: 8/10

The_Jaster wrote:

Choking hazard for small kids.

They contain children!? And children small enough to choke on as well, so I can only assume you ate a fetus.

The_Jaster wrote:

I saw these yesterday in iceland for a pound when picking up some food for the house.

Stop fucking saying Iceland

I'll second Jas' .

Hooray, another snack review! Boo, it's peanuts! I'm not allergic, I just think they taste foul.

Balladeer wrote:

I'll second Jas' .  

Hooray, another snack review!  Boo, it's peanuts!  I'm not allergic, I just think they taste foul.

Even the mighty pistachio?

Not a fan of nuts in general, it's the texture. Peanuts actually taste bad. Pistachios are a'right, I wouldn't religiously pick them out of my cake.

Magnum Pink

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What with the sudden upswing in temperature, I'm conducting extensive research into ice lollies. My first report is ready. Behold!

Pros:

• Amazing raspberry flavour
  
• Decent chocolate
  

Cons:

• It takes a while to get to said amazing raspberry flavour - it's part of the swirl of the ice cream centre
  
• It's a Magnum, so there are bigger ice lollies out there. By far.
  

Mmmm rating: 8/10

Good mark that.  Ironic that a "Magnum" isn't that big...

Solero Exotic

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Pros:

• Pretty large;
  
• Massively refreshing;
  
• Tasty outside and in;
  
• Tropical flavour is the best.

Cons:

• Brainfreeze deluxe;
  
• Ice cream isn't quite as tasty as the outside;
  
• Probably more full of E-numbers than a videogames forum in June;
  
• Has a nasty habit of toppling down the stick and landing on your hand/the floor near the end.

This is the best ice lolly to eat outside in the summer.  Dock a mark if you're eating it inside, two marks if in another season.
Mmmm rating: 9/10

Soleros are the best ice creams out there, perhaps among the least healthy though. You know what is healthy?

Arla Protein Yogurts

Scientific diagrammatic representation of a yogurt pot:

Cons:

• I feel Like I just ate a boat, these things are heavier than a pregnant blue whale that's carrying octuplets.
  
• Mine was passion fruit and papaya flavour, or so I'm told. It didn't taste like anything.
  

Pros:

• 20 grams of gains per pot and lots of calcium, so it's super healthy.
  
• It's dense enough to stop a bullet, keep it in your breast pocket for self defence uses.
  

The Verdict: There are lots of specialised protein snacks out there, I have tried protein chocolate bars, protein flapjacks, protein breakfast bars and now I have tried a protein yogurt. That is... four major disappointments.  I'll stick to milk for another while.
no/10

I've had the Arla and the Skyr protein yoghurts. The Arla one is so clearly the winner, it's not true - but neither of them are that great, to be honest. Having said that, the Skyr drinks are quite, quite fine.

Mac and Cheese Pot Noodle
Look, I'm not gonna kid you. Pot Noodles aren't good at the best of times. They're not that tasty and they have no nutritional value, but if you want some matter in your belly to keep the hunger at bay, they're quick and easy and cheap. Whether you're stumbling into the cupboard the morning after the night before, choking down a Butlins Special or trying to stretch a £2 coin to cover lunches for the week before payday, a Pot Noodle will do in a pinch.
But what's this? A new flavour?

Pros

• Better than mushroom
  
• Easy
  

Cons

• Tasted like actual vomit
  
• Made my beard smell of cheese powder for days
  
• Embarrassing to be caught in public eating one
  

/10

Tesco Finest Ginger & Chilli Crisps

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We'd finished walking down the crisp aisle in Tesco yesterday when Jo's eyes were caught by the posh crisps bit. "Ginger and chilli!" she exclaimed. I nodded enthusiastically: it sounded like an ace combination, almost - but not quite! - as good as raspberry and jalapeno jam.

Pros:

• Delicious
  
• Spicy
  

Cons:

• Limited edition so may not exist for long
  
• A whole bag is 60% of your daily fat content
  

Mmmm rating: 9/10

Tescos crisps are usually pretty good - their sweet chilli crisps come recommended!

Chiquito's Spicy Chicken Chimichanga

I went to Chiquito's for dinner before watching Suicide Squad last night. It's my girlfriend's favourite, and I often lament the scarcity of Mexican food here in the UK. As it happened, she was too ill to eat much of her food and we had to doggy-bag it up and put it in the car. I, on the other hand, had a great meal!
I felt compelled to ordered a chimichanga as it is the favourite of Deadpool and I'd never tried one.

Pros

• Delicious filling of chicken, beans, rice and spice
  
• Generous helping
  
• Good portion of chips and dips

Cons

• Not really very spicy, despite the name
  
• Came out way too hot to eat
  
• Chimichangas are fried, and you can tell! Like fried bread, it was super fatty and felt unhealthy to eat.

I liked it, but I think I'll stick to regular burritos. Chimichangas are a bit too fried for me.

10/10

Let's blow the roof off this thing.

Belvita Breakfast Forest Fruits Biscuits

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Becuz I iz healthy, innit bredren.

Pros:

• Healthy
  
• Actually quite filling
  

Cons:

• Drier than Jack Dee's driest joke, delivered in the Sahara on an unusually dry day. With the world's most powerful dehumidifier going at top whack
  
• Better flavours are available
  

Mmmm rating: 5/10

Banana

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It's all going a bit fruity!

Pros:

• One of your five a day, literally
  
• Pretty tasty
  

Cons:

• Huge variability in taste and quality
  
• Strange availability
  

Mmmm rating: 7/10

Hula Hoops Golden Hoops (Salt and Vinegar flavour)

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No.

Pros:

• A novelty
  
• Something else
  

Cons:

• Disgusting - difficult to believe it was allowed to come to market
  
• Not crisp-like at all
  

Mmmm rating: 2/10

Plain 'ol salt and vinegar Hula Hoops are decent - what's up with the special edition?

The main thing is that they're marketed as crisps but are not crisps. Imagine dry Cheerios with a sprinkling of salt and vinegar flavouring... only crunchier. No. Simply no.