Gaming Clerihews (and Other Gaming Poetry)

The clerihew is a very short silly poem.  Four lines, first of which is a name, two rhyming couplets, no consideration for metre, rhymes shoe-horned in.  I challenge you to come up with some about games/gaming characters/places/items/whatever.

Examples:

Bayonetta
There's no better
She wears glasses
And kicks asses

Sonic
He's fast
In the past
Now he's last

Reyn
His coming is a sign
It's his moment to shine
SUCK IT BITCHES IT'S REYN TIME

Waluigi
Uses a squeegee
To clean from his ass
The gross stuff he can pass.

Yer boi Kirby
Won the derby
Because he ate all the horses
Before his main courses.

Princess Peach
The things she could teach
about love to my heart and brain.
She washes away all my pain.

Donkey Kong
Gives off a nasty pong.
A banana-only diet:
I don't suggest you try it.

That is absolutely top clerihewage stuff Drunka. Not that I expected any less. The last one gets a

Mas and Duck's aren't technically clerihews because the first line doesn't rhyme with the second. However they are great poems all the same, and I'm thinking of expanding the thread to all sorts of gaming poems (I'm quite fond of limericks myself). Thought simple was probably best to start off with.

And Zero's is too good. He's actually adhering to metre and stuff, which is a rookie clerihew error. You want it to be more like this, Zero:

Rosalina
Wishes that Google Image searching her name was cleaner:
Growing up on a spacestation
Isn't great for sexual education.

Fire Emblem
Contains more death and despair than the EU referendum
Though in Fire Emblem there's no lasting threat
But in real life you can't reset

Master Chief
Ate too much beef.
Now inside his armour
Smells like a disaster.

Ratchet and Clank
Enjoy a good wank.
Robotic gyrations
For mutual masturbation.

Solaire of Astora
A bit of a hoarder
Keeps ex girlfriends' knickers
And the wrappers from Snickers.

Tom Nook
What a crook
A thirst for bells and a penchant for debt
Moving to Bumsville was my deepest regret

Mable
And her sister Sable
Call themselves Able
But feel quite unstable.

Shuhei Yoshida
Is a cheery bleeder,
Even when Nintendo's genius strategies and consoles are making him look not so clever
Which is never.

Goalkeeper Mark Evans
Starred in many Inazuma Elevens
In later life he coached the Raimon squad
But often went off on his tod

Poor ol' Tom Nook. I'd be happy if more real-life creditors were that laid-back about payment timetables.

Tom Nook
Mostly does things by the book
But when it comes to house extensions won't take no for an answer,
The bloody chancer.

Tom Nook
Not letting you off the hook
He wants your money
And he's going to get it somehow sonny.

Brigadier General Jack Vandham, Supreme Commander of the Defense Force of the Colony of New Los Angeles.
Yes that was all one sentence, his name is really longeles.
Rhyming is especially hard on mira, harder than on earth.
But earth got blown up, so I'm not sure what that comparison is worth.

Danaerys Stormorn of the House Targaryen, first of her name, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm, Queen of Mereen, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Mother of Dragons and Breaker of Chains,
Appeared in a production by Telltale Games.
She has pretty blonde hair but there's a catch
Her dark, dark eyebrows do not match.

Balladeer wrote:

Duck's aren't technically clerihews because the first line doesn't rhyme with the second.

Balladeer wrote:

With great care; shame about the pain
To my ears whenever I fight with Reyn.

NintenDUCK wrote:

Reyn
His coming is a sign

Actually, I'm pretty sure it was Duck who got the Reyn Rhyme right here.

Bloodborne
Where beasts are the norm
Nightmares and talk of eyes inside you
Remember, may the good blood guide you.

Drunkalilly wrote:

Actually, I'm pretty sure it was Duck who got the Reyn Rhyme right here.

Listened to it about five times, doing immense damage to my psyche.  His accent makes it really hard to tell.  I think you're probably right, but it's bloody tricky.

The international phonetic alphabet
Is not immediately easy to get,
But I might indeed have been outdone by Nintenduck.
Damn.

I pronounce it like trine without the t sound, it works that way.

Yeah, I thought the whole point of "Reyn time" was that it was a half-rhyme, no?

Is the point of Reyn time not that it is time for Reyn?

Fiora:
Without her Xenoblade would be poorer.
A favoured party member of mine,
And easier to pronounce than Reyn.

Shantae
Her assets she does flaunt-ay
Her mortal enemy is Risky Boots
Whose evil minions she loots.

I like to do a poo
The texture's World of Goo
I'm seriously crying here
That awful smell of diarrhoea